Depression: there's more to it

 My last post was a year ago.  I cant believe how much I have struggled this last year.  It was the worst I have ever gotten with depression and anxiety.  I fell down a deep, deep whole.  I had Zero desire to continue living.  Tried several medications with much trial and error.  With all my struggling, I even started to resent the only constant that I have had in my life, God.  why would he do this to me? my whole life i wanted to me a mom and as soon as I got a chance, I've hated it every step of the way. Or so it seems. I felt that when I truly begged for help, I received the very thing I didn't want.  I didn't want to resent Him but I wasn't seeing that He was even around.  After a hospital visit, did you even know that you could talk with a psychiatrist that dedicates their life focusing on mental issues and meds to help?  It might have been that I was in the whole so deep i just couldn't remember they existed but what made me so angry was, my doctor knew!! Why did he let me suffer so much knowing there are other people i could talk to that know a lot more about this than he does??  And then, I find out that you can have lab work done to help see which medications to stay away from and which one could work better for your body.  WHAT?? WHY didn't any of my doctors do this????  A friend that I recommended to go to my doctor years ago was shocked that our doctor didn't do this because that was the first thing he did when she went to him.  SO AGRAVATING!!!  Why do I have to struggle this much when others are getting more help than I've been offered?  Again, resentment towards God for not putting these things in my life.  

After 9 weeks of trying a new medication, I could finally feel that it was at least working enough to not hate living.  I don't have the rage with my children anymore. I have spouts of motivation to do things.  But, I feel like its not enough.  I saw a post last night that talked about depression and how their are thousands of studies that show that their are underlining reasons causing it AND there are doctors that actually do lab work to find those underlining root causes.  When I read this,  I could have resented God and doctors all over again but I'm sure the medication I'm on has me thinking better so I was actually grateful that God let me see that post and grateful that I have hope that other doctors could actually help me. Some of the causes mentioned are: body is not absorbing vitamins, lack of vitamins/minerals, thyroid issues, hormonal issues, Estrogen dominance, cortisol imbalances, Inflammation, digestion being off, food intolerances, mold or parasites, candida, and the list goes on.   One medication I was on worked amazingly and then it didn't. and then it did again.  after 3 months I realized it was around my period that it stopped working and had the opposite effect (which really wasn't good)  After reading that hormonal issues could be a root cause of depression, I'm thinking that sounds like it could be a possibility! Don't you think?  I will definitely find a doctor that will take the time to do lab work and really help me.  This is 2022 people! We have research that shows that depression is not the sickness!! It goes way deeper than that. Find the ROOT CAUSE!!